Maybe it is a son-dad thing.  Our conversations are short, and to the point, whatever that point might be.

Marc:  “Hey dad, how you doing?”

Dad:  “Fine Marc, how are things with you and the family?”

Marc:  “They are great dad.  How you feeling today?  The nurses treating you OK?  Sleeping enough?”

Dad:  “Everything is good, no complaints.  OK, I have to go, I’ll talk to you later!”

Marc:  “OK, I love you dad, I’ll talk to you tomorrow”

It’s been that way with my dad as long as I can remember, whether growing up on Pelham Place and Glen Orchard Drive, or while bringing up my own children with my lovely bride.  We don’t share our “feelings”, we don’t check on our bio-rhythms, we don’t chat about our hopes and dreams.

However I have come to count on these 30 second conversations as a brief respite during my day.  And although he would probably deny it, I know how much he enjoys these brief visits (phone or in person) with me in Indianapolis and with my brother and sister in law who live in Cincinnati (where my dad’s nursing home is).

Speaking about the topic of elder care I have met a lot of wonderful folks.  Some are taking care of a parent, others are taking care of an aging spouse.  Some are living in the same area (or same house), others are “out of town” care-givers, like me.  All of us agree on one thing:  The situation is tough, none of us were prepared, and all of us do as well as we can, no better, no worse.

As I have said before, you never choose between taking care of your children and taking care of your parents.  You take care of both and take from yourself.  There is no Robbing Peter to Pay Paul.  Ask the one in four Americans who cares for an aging parent.

According to a recent study, more than half of Americans taking care of an aging parent agree their caregiving ability is taking a toll on their job.  More than eight in ten make care-giving related phone calls during business hours.  Two thirds arrive late or leave early while the same number take time off during the day to deal with care-giving issues. 

The folks at MetLife have calculated the annual cost to employers of full time workers with intense care-giving responsibilities at 33.6 billion dollars, nearly $2,500 per employee due to lost productivity.  And the costs will continue to rise in the future.  According to the Census Bureau, the number of workers 62 and older has risen more than 10% in the last ten years.  Over the next twenty years, the number of folks aged 55-64 will grow by 11 million, while those 25-34 will grow by 5 million.

The cost in dollars is just a small part of the problem.  Where companies struggled with the concept of child-care twenty to thirty years ago, many are just coming to grips with elder-care.  More than half of those taking care of an aging loved one spend more than 20 hours a week with their parent or spouse.  I’m like the one in 20 who travels more than 2 hours to care for an aging parent.

I couldn’t bear this all by myself.  My brother and sister in law, my lovely bride of almost 25 years, my parents’ long-time friends, and of course my own children provide me great support.  And after all my dad has been through in the last two years, he tries to shoulder the burden as much as he can.  But my shoulders are younger, and stronger.  And therein lies the dilemma.

OK, enough talking.  I’m gonna call my dad.